Persuasion IQ

You’re on the most important elevator ride of your life. You have ten seconds to pitch- the classic “elevator pitch”.

Love or Hate. Money or Despair. And you may never get this chance again.

Someone recently told me they were horrible at ‘sales’ and said they wanted to be better at persuasion.  Maybe they were a master and were simply using some form of reverse ninja technique.  Perhaps.

I am no master but there are a few principles I’ve picked up along the way – usually learned from failures.

There are books about persuasion and the ultimate ‘value proposition’. But don’t waste your time. They are mainly shelf-help books versus self-help.

I’ve been on both sides of this equation. I’ve had people pitching me and I have delivered my fair share.  Most of them unsuccessfully.

It is a scary thing.  Asking a complete stranger, or even worse, creating a worse situation they are currently in.

Perhaps the hardest thing for me was when I was doing my “human behavior” study in college.

I had to walk up to random strangers in the middle of campus or throughout the city and convince them within 20 seconds to tell me a secret about themselves they normally wouldn’t tell their inner circle.

Not quite an elevator pitch but the same basic idea. I had a lot of practice. I probably approached over 500 people cold.

In some cases people tried to hurt me. In one case I was chased. In other cases people opened up their hearts and I am infinitely grateful to them.

The ideas below have worked for me in many scenarios where I’ve had to be persuasive. Either in writing, or in person. In business and in friendships and in love.  These are not mechanical techniques but more a way of being.

I hope variations on it can work for you. You decide.

WHO ARE YOU?

People want to know they are talking to a good, honest, reliable person that they can trust and perhaps even like, or love.

Yes, love.

They won’t love you by looking at your resume.

You have to do method acting. Imagine what your body would feel like if they already said “Yes” even before you open your mouth.

You would be standing up straight, smiling, palms open, ready to close the deal. You have to method act at the beginning of your conversation.

If you are slouched and your head is sticking out then your brain is not as well-connected to your nervous system and you won’t be in “flow”.

I can drag out the science here but this is a social update and not a peer-reviewed scientific paper.

The reality is: when you’re slouched over, not only are you not using the full potential of your brain, but you look untrustworthy.

RELAX

Think about how you breathe when you are anxious and nervous.

I will tell you how I breathe: short, shallow breaths in my upper chest.

So do the reverse before delivering your pitch or idea.

Breathe deep and in your stomach.  People sense this. Again, this builds trust and relaxes you.

Be confident.  Everyone has confidence.  It just depends on how deep within the mind it is buried.  Be confident with a brush of humility.

Free yourself from your limiting self-talk by recognizing the reason for what you are doing.

Discredit the L.I.Es (limited ideas entertained) about what is and is not possible.

Your purpose will help in generating the motivation you need to take action.

Now, even though you haven’t said a single word, you’ve probably done the two most important things for persuading someone.

A FEW U’S FOR YOU

Okay, the actual nuts and bolts of persuasion.

This is not a way to convince someone to do something they don’t want to do. This is a way for you to consolidate your vision into a sentence or two and then express it in a clear and scalable manner.

This is the way to bond and connect with another person’s needs instead of just your own uninteresting wants.

I believe you can reference this for pitching a product or idea, on a date, with your children, on your spouse, whatever.

I’ll take an uncommon example.  Many use simple examples like UBER – a slam dunk and an easy pitch.  What about pest control services…

Urgency

People say you must create urgency.  Untrue.  The urgency is always there, you simply must create the awareness (and feeling) of what happens  when no action is taken soon.

Example: “Can you imagine what the backyard will be like this summer once all the mosquito eggs hatch?”

Unique

Uniqueness is not measured in miles, only inches.  You need only to be 1% better (or perceived to be) than everyone else.

Example:  “Our 360° applied model guarantees a clean environment with every service.  No one else does this.”

Useful

Why is your solution useful to the lives of the people you plan on selling to or deliver your message to:

Example:  “We help you keep your promise to your tenants by having clean, pest-free home”.

Ultra-Specific

This shows there is no fluff and eliminates any interpretation of value:

Example:  “Our ap provides a complete summary of your pest rate condition. Your credit card is pre-loaded. If you have an issue, you hit a button and a technician shows up the same day.”

User-friendly

In other words, make it as easy as possible for someone to say “Yes”. Like a money back guarantee, for instance. Award status. Testimonials from sources you both know.

Unquestionable Proof

This can be in the form of profits. Or some measurable statistic. Or testimonials. Or a good wing-man. Whatever it takes.

DESIRE

As much as we would like to think otherwise, people primarily act out of self-interest.

The less they know you, the more they will act of self-interest because to do otherwise could potentially put them in danger. We all know that kids shouldn’t take candy from strangers.

In any persuasive situation, someone is the kid, what you are asking is the candy, and you are the stranger. So their gut reflex, unless you make the candy super-sweet, is to say “no”.

So make sure you make your candy sweeter by sprinkling in their desires.

And what are their desires?

• recognition

• rejuvenation

• relaxation

• relief

• religion

• remuneration

• results

• revenge

• romance

If you are unaware of the desires or “pain” from the person you are looking to persuade.  Stop, you are at a severe disadvantage.  Back up.  Ask more questions.

NOT A ZERO-SUM GAME

I would prefer not to make these ideas about tactics.  However, some of areas of successful persuasion require an appreciation that getting what you want is not about who gains and who “gives up”.

A lot of people go into persuasive “mode” thinking they have to be pushy or play games.

Like purposely being late to meetings (dumb) in order to assert their dominance and play from a place of perceived power.

Such tactics might work to a limited degree, but I believe they come from a misguided perspective.

Negotiations, when done correctly, are an incredibly empathetic, mutual conversation that happens.

It’s negotiation of two sides with individualistic interests that are brought together in a way that feels constructive for everybody.

Make sure the result brings you and others life and love.

Tomorrow is 100% based on the negotiations you do today.

With great power comes great responsibility” – Stan Lee, Spiderman.

Most people don’t have the power of persuasion.  They mess up on many of the points I’ve outlined above. I would suggest I mess up more often than I should.

It takes practice and hard work.

But this is not just about persuasion. It’s about connection.

It’s about two people, who are probably strangers, reaching through physical and mental space and trying to understand each other and reach common ground.

It’s not about money. It’s not about the idea. It’s not about yes or no.

It’s about the dance.  It’s about two people finding love.