Thanks for Giving Me Tough Things

Gratitude is one of those things that’s simple…but not easy.

Today is Thanksgiving in America. It’s a day that we’re supposed to center around gratitude. The usual candidates come to mind: family, health, and the food in front of us. And rightly so. These are the cornerstones of a fortunate life, and they deserve recognition and appreciation.

But what about all the other stuff? The obstacles. The frustrations. The wrong turns. The difficult people. The bad days.

Should we be grateful for those too?

Yes—those especially.

Especially because they are hard to be grateful for.

Easier said than done!

I often draw to the stoics that teach lessons of this nature.  Epictetus was born into slavery and he spent the next thirty years in that institution. He wasn’t even given a name–Epictetus just means acquired one. He was tortured. And when he finally found freedom, he was almost immediately exiled by a tyrannical emperor.  His life was bitter, yet what he came away with was not bitterness, but gratitude. The key to life, he said, was not to dream for things to be a certain way, but to dream for them to be the way they were. To be grateful that you had the fate you had. “Convince yourself that everything is the gift of God,” was how Marcus Aurelius put it, “that things are good and always will be.”

​Today, I continue to challenge myself to think in a way that expresses gratitude, not for the things that are easy to be grateful for, but for what is hard – seeing it as they are gifts from God.  Because while it’s easy to count my blessings of the good things in life, it’s much more difficult to see the bad things as gifts, too. But with this practice, I’ve learned to see they can be.

That troublesome relationship - thank you, it’s helping me develop better boundaries.

That traffic jam - thank you, it gave me time to call my wife or a friend and have a nice, meandering conversation.

That rejection - thank you, it forced me to reevaluate and improve myself.

The political realities of our time–thank you, it’s a chance to test myself, to really stick to what I believe in.

The tragic news - thank you, it’s the opportunity to be where my feet are, every moment with those people I love.

That loss - thank you, for reminding me of what truly matters in life.

And on and on.

When Epictetus talks about how every situation has two handles. You can decide to grab onto anger or appreciation, fear or fellowship. You can pick up the handle of resentment or of gratitude. You can look at the obstacle or get a little closer and see the opportunity. Which one will you grab?

In the chaos and dysfunction of the world, I try to notice where I have been gifted in the latter category than where I have been deprived in the former.

So, as you gather with family and friends this Thanksgiving, appreciate the obvious gifts—the food, the health, the love in the room. But as the moment fades and life returns to its usual pace, challenge yourself to make gratitude a daily practice.

Not just for what is easy and joyful, but for what is hard.

For what tested you, stretched you, humbled you.

Whatever 2024 has been for you—however difficult, however painful—be grateful for it. Think about what it helped you miss. Think about how it shaped you. Think about how it could have been worse.

Write this gratitude down. Say it out loud.

Thank you.

Until you believe it.