Life Shrinks Your Circle
The smaller the circle, the greater the riches. I’m not talking about a network, I’m talking about meaningful relationships.
There was a pretty long period of life where I had lots of friends. Lots. To me, it gave purpose, currency and status to how I was doing. Ridiculous.
Looking back, it was exhausting, and it drained me. Always seeking affirmation but masking it as someone who was always there for people. It did it more for myself, than others. Again, exhausting.
And then I moved into a period of life where the number of friends began to dissipate. It affected me for a while. Always asking “why” and giving up more self-worth than I’d like to admit. Hadn’t I helped them whenever they needed help? What had I done wrong?
Doesn’t matter.
Never ask why? There is never an answer to why? if you ask the negative people in your life.
There are many posts that will give a perspective. Life is pretty hard. I don’t want more homework.
Here is what I was doing bad:
I was spending time with people who were bad for me. How do you know if someone is bad for you?
Try this checklist:
Do you feel bad or anxious after you spend time with them?
Are you more often than not, arguing with them?
Do they put you down in a way that is destructive and not constructive?
Do they try to limit your opportunities?
Do they try to isolate you from your friends?
Do they resent your successes in any way – or try to compete with your successes?
Do they not listen to you as much as you listen to them?
Do they add drama to your life instead of remove drama? And what is drama? It took me a long time to realize what “drama” meant. Drama is for the theater and not for your life. In a good drama, often the hero dies. Don’t be the hero of a drama.
Do you get so busy with their life you forget about your own health, your own creativity, your own ability to change and better the world? Remember: if you are not making the choices in your life, someone else is – and the results won’t be good.
Do you sometimes cry after an interaction with them.
If you say yes to any of the above, then even if they are sitting at the table across from you right this second, stand up and go sit at another table.
When I was in the early 30s I had many people in life where I could check the box on all of the above.
Finally, I gave up. I dropped out. I lost touch with many for awhile (the good ones always stuck around). I started a family and redefined a new criteria for “friends”.
It is scary sometimes but eventually I found others like me. Others who were no longer “civilians.”
Reverse the checklist above.
Those are the people you want in your life. There are very few of them. There should be very few of them.
That is the secret of all success in life. There isn’t anything else.
The other day I was spending time with a relatively new friend. I couldn’t stop thinking about how impressive this person was. Not for what they’ve accomplished but for the ways they treat me and my family.
The next day, it was easy to give advice to my daughter who is still figuring out her friend success criteria.
Listen, I said, just do this. When you meet the new person, lean back and think inside your head, impress me. And then see what happens.
People will quickly show you who they are.
So she did. So do I. And now my life is a little better than it was a week ago. And I hope next week… even better.
Rule #1 – people are crazy. Stop asking why?
Instead, I try to only ask about “now.” What is good right now? The flowers of tomorrow can only bloom if you plant the seeds today. Regretting not planting them in the past will make nothing grow.
