Advice I Will Never Forget

“The way you do anything is the way you do everything”.

One of my business mentors, Mike, only speaks in highly intellectual obscure fashion – almost often in quotes.

His experience in leadership development with a passion for teaching must be the reason for his incredible memory.  He remembers sayings and quotes that fit every situation.  He doesn’t speak in “normal”.

Another highly influential figure in the early days of career, Jerry, used to say “your life is perfectly designed to produce the result it produces”

I’m an advice combiner.

Mike + Jerry = “Hope is not a Strategy”.

In the journey from desperation to destination, I have learned that the key to mastering relationships, habits and mindset is when you realize you are the common denominator!

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About four months ago I lost my phone.  It lasted for three days.

The pain was nearly unbearable. It’s like stopping carbs. Or stopping that evening glass of wine during a multi-month quarantine.

The average person touches their phone 2,600 times A DAY. The average person spends 4 HOURS, 40 MINUTES on their phone every day.

The average person checks their phone every 12 minutes.

By day two I was having the shakes.  I was standing in a long line at the grocery store.  It was very long line.  We had yet to reach the shopping shortage fear of the pandemic but the lady had her cart over-flowing in front of me.

This was going to take a while.  No phone and I was missing my emails and Instagram dopamine hits.  I could scroll the LinkedIn feed, send a text to a friend, FaceTime my wife, watch a YouTube video of a comedian or the handyman who’s supposed to help me fix the sprinkler.

I could look at a map and see where I fit into the universe. I didn’t know it would take me 37 days to walk to California given current traffic conditions.

I could read news or political blogs.

Instead I just looked at the people in front of me. I thought about things.

Not very interesting thoughts. I thought about dinner. And I thought about missing my phone. And I was bored. Probably I’ve become a boring person.

I stood, I waited, I watched, I listened, I stood more, I thought more.  I didn’t get the dopamine hits. Dopamine is the same neurochemical released when you feel good or happy.

I didn’t look at dog videos. Or funny memes. Or vacation spots.

I stood, I waited, I thought, I stood. I daydreamed.

As I slowly made my way to the checkout counter, I looked at the line of people behind me and I could hear their phones tingle and tinkle and buzz and vibrate and everyone looking and people feeling their phones.

I struck a conversation with a few people in line.  A few nice people.  It was nice.

When I was home later, I still had no phone.  I read.  I listened to my kids.  I laughed with my kids.  I sat on the back porch.  I watched shows my wife wanted to watch until I feel asleep with her.  I feel asleep earlier than usual, woke up earlier than usual, worked out earlier than usual, laughed earlier than usual.

On day three, I had my phone.  It is a long story as to how I found it.  Nonetheless, I had my phone.  I looked at it first time in three days. But there wasn’t anything interesting on it.

Giving your full attention is the greatest gift you could ever give someone.  I have certainly learned this the hard way over time.

Too much of my life, my kid’s life, my relationships have been without my full attention.  Too much I simply don’t remember.  It is lost.

The scarcity of attention is the single largest challenge for our society – and business for that matter.

The way you do anything is the way you do everything.