Destination is Never a Place
“90% of fulfillment comes from choice. Only 10% comes from circumstance. The wanderer surrenders to the 90%, not the 10%.”
It started when I was six months into my second-chance “life”. It delivered the most impactful life experiences in the form of a global pandemic. It is ending with a fresh perspective on happiness.
What a f***ing crazy year.
There were moments of fear, feeling lost. I was grateful, but scared. I was alive, yet destroyed. It was the best year of my life.
In a lot of ways, I had to start all over. Started businesses, consulted others, served. I wandered to where my heart was beating, and my feet were standing. I was present.
In reflection of the process, I know that following my own advice was difficult but worth it. I will do that more often.
RESTLESSNESS
Something is off. Something cracked.
After having to leave a business I loved, the experience destroyed me. I swore I’d never put myself in a similar situation.
I knew that despite the fulfillment created from my own businesses, there was still a piece missing. Something cracked. So I went back in.
Now, it is so similar yet so radically different.
I think it’s important to recognize that restlessness. To give permission for it. To even welcome it.
THE SEARCH
What the hell do I do now?
The search begins. It’s scary and confusing.
If a relationship ends… will anyone love me again? When I fail in a business… will I ever make money again?
I kept cutting out all the “extra” in my life.
Bad friends, bad people (who are contagious and viral), bad positions, bad investments. All my low-value belongings, old addresses and homes. I clean up.
Was ready for the search. I am ready to explore.
DISAPPOINTMENT
Some things won’t work.
I was a founder of a company that never reached its full potential. It failed and so did I. I tried everything I could do to save it. It didn’t work.
I started businesses that never reached its full potential. Blame it on the pandemic? Too easy. I started writing a book. But life got in the way. I had to stop.
No matter what your routine: a daily practice, a miracle morning, a lot of money, love, family, fun—life happens.
90% of fulfillment comes from choice. Only 10% comes from circumstance.
The explorer surrenders to the 90%, not the 10%.
TIME
People say, “Time is money.”
What a pitiful way to look at time.
I have taken advantage of friends and those I respect over the years in business. I’m sorry. I’ve used small businesses and consultants to support various needs. I’ll accept a price or a rate that I know is lower than what I should pay.
Most people don’t have the confidence to charge for their experience, their creativity, their brilliance.
You can buy “hours” from anyone. People can only get your creativity from you.
Your time is the greatest gift you can ever give another human being. Period.
ANXIETY
When I’ve ever leaned to try something new, I’m terrified. More than 50% of the time I’ve failed.
When I start a new business venture, there is always a great chance it doesn’t work. When I go hunting, only a 10% chance I will be successful. When I start writing, only a 25% chance it will get finished.
Is it the correct decision? It’s so hard to know.
Most decisions have failed. Others have provided me the greatest moments of happiness I could ever imagine. Amazing wife and children were the result of decisions that hours before I was breathing into a paper bag.
Every decision is packed with anxiety. Else your ancestors would have been eaten by lions. Complacency killed the cavemen who had no children.
The key is to make today’s anxiety work for you. And then say goodbye to it.
MENTORS
On more than one catastrophe that’s happened to me in life, the first thing I did was call five people.
Some gave great advice, some gave me the truth I didn’t want to hear, others checked on me every day…one person even offered a place to stay. I didn’t need it. They just did it anyway.
You don’t seek out mentors. You spend decades building goodwill with people. Then there is a pent up supply of people who want to do goodwill towards you.
How do you do goodwill towards people? Start being kind to them. Start coming up with ideas for them. Give them the truth.
Start introducing them to others. Start giving constructive advice on their projects.
Offer them a place to rest their hat emotionally, or creatively.
Do it for a year. Do it for 10 years. 20 years. And see what happens.
These become your most valuable mentors. Just like you were for them.
UNIQUE
Eventually reinvention kicks in.
You’ve done the search. You’ve had the restlessness. You’ve had the teachers. You’ve had the feedback of what’s wrong or right.
You’ve put in your practice. You’ve rebuilt your energy. You are healthy again. You’ve dealt with the anxiety.
You look out one day and the light is coming through your room and you suddenly have an idea you want to try.
Nobody has ever done it before.
You wrote 10 ideas a day for 20 years to finally come up with something nobody has done before.
I’m excited right now about many things on the horizon. I’m ready to wander. To explore.
THE SOURCE
Eventually, you connect with the source again. You are physically healthy, emotionally connecting with people, creative every day, grateful every day for the the magic around you.
You have chosen yourself. You are working on your ideas. They are helping people. They are giving and others are receiving.
You are still just a drop in the ocean. But it doesn’t matter.
The single drop that is you begins to ripple.
The ripples go out to every shore.
Your search has led you to help the entire world, even in a microcosmic way.
Every day the search begins anew.
But every day I want to be that drop of water. To drift. To float. To bathe in the sun.
Knowing that once again, a storm will come. I will know how to survive it.
A friend told me, “Don’t live life like you are going to die tomorrow, live life like you are going to die in a year.”
OK then. This is the year I’m going to wander. To explore.
